Note to My Younger Self...
What if we could tell our younger self things? Wouldn't this be sort of amazing? I wrote my younger self a letter and wanted to share it with you guys because I think some other moms of littles might need to hear these things too.
Can we talk about this picture for a minute? I mean how haggard do Kyle and I look? Pay no attention to the barf on my husband's t-shirt. Why do my kids have their hands in their mouths? Don't be fooled, I'm sure my pullover is only to cover up the fact that I'm still in my pajamas. And my hair? If I recall correctly, it looked like this from 2004-2009. These were hard times.
Dear 26 year old Self,
I can’t believe you have 2 kids. How are you doing this?! You’re practically a baby. I know you think you’re failing at a lot of things like organizing your house, and dressing your kids in season appropriate clothing, and well, personal hygiene. I’m here to tell you it’s ok. I’m here to tell you you’re 35 now and you are still failing at those things. Hygiene has definitely moved up on the list so go ahead and count that as a win for everyone. But here’s the thing about your 35 year old self, she’s more ok with not having it together. Aren’t you relieved? You’re evolving and it’s good.
Can I tell you something? You ARE doing a good job. Your kids know you love them and they love you too. You are so much stronger and braver than you know. You have it inside of you. You will not always feel weary and ragged. You won’t live each day merely surviving. I know you doubt a lot of things. You doubt yourself in almost every area of your life. Asking endless questions like, “Am I a good mom? Am I a good wife? Will my kids remember how much I yelled at them? Am I a good nurse? Am I supposed to be a nurse? What am I doing? Will they ever stop needing my help? Am I teaching them about Jesus enough? Am I instilling values in these little people? Will they always want snacks every minute of every day? Do I feed them too much junk? Do they watch too much TV? Will they ever not want dinner?” And on and on it goes. These questions plague you. Every. Single. Day.
Take a breath. I know you’re in the weeds now but it won’t always be this way. When Kyle asks if you need to go out and have some time alone, say yes. Every time, say yes. If he doesn’t ask, then tell him you need some time alone. He knows you are an introvert by nature and need time away so take it. Communicate. Let people help you. Quit trying to act like you have it all together. And for the love, go to counseling already. You need it. I promise it will change your life and your marriage. Yes, you’re going to cry the ugly cry while you’re there but do it anyway. You will grow and it will be hard. It will also be empowering. Do it.
I’m going to wrap up because somewhere there is a child who needs you to feed him or wipe his bottom. It’s ok. It won’t be this way forever. At 35, they won’t even tell you when they go poop, they just go. I know, your brain just exploded. So don’t lose heart sweet, young self. Relax. And try not to curse the old ladies at Target that tell you to “cherish every moment” or “it’s over in the blink of an eye.” Just bless their hearts and move on because you’ve still got more errands to run. You are running a good race, sweet girl. Keep going.
Love,
Your 35 year old Self
P.S. You color your hair now and wear a lot of cardigans. Just thought you should know.
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