So few words...

Sometimes words don’t come easy. Written words. Spoken words. They get all jumbled in our minds and we can’t straighten them out. We get tongue-tied and end up not saying what we mean. Or sometimes we don’t even have the words to explain a situation or a feeling. I wish that were what I had today. But the truth is, I don’t have words. I don’t have a story to tell today. I don’t have a funny anecdote for you. I don’t have any profound, life-altering words for you. I wish I did because it makes me feel better when I can come up with the right words to say or write. I feel validated. I feel like I contributed in some way to someone else’s well-being. I told you how I make stuff about me, right?

I’m writing today for the discipline. Discipline reminds that I can do hard things. Discipline tells me I need to put words on paper even if I don’t feel like doing the work. I don’t feel like doing the work today because I don’t have a quick snippet of my life for you. I don’t have a good story. I have things to tell you but I haven’t sat with my thoughts long enough to make them into sentences. And typically when I make sentences I like for them to make sense and well, it just isn’t happening today.

It’s funny how in my nursing job it is very easy for my brain to tell my hands what to do. I don’t sit around looking at my hands thinking, “Just start the IV already!” My hands know what to do. In writing, my hands are dumb. They don’t know what to do. And unless my brain directs them they will literally do nothing. They can’t type a keystroke without my brain coming up with the words. I use my hands for both jobs but one is significantly easier. I’ve been using words since I was just a tiny tart yet some days I physically can’t put words on a page. They escape me. How is it that something I’ve done my whole life can elude me? It’s a mystery.

Many times I write posts for you. I play to what I think you’ll like to read or I share something that’s been on my heart. Today I wrote for myself. Even if I only sat here for 30 minutes, I wrote words to show myself there is beauty in discipline. Thanks for being a part of my exercise if you’ve read this far. I promise once I clean out the cobwebs in my head there will be something worth writing about in there. Fingers crossed.

-Courtney

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