Tag Archives: sickness

A letter to the tickle in my throat

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(current nightstand situation)

Dear Tickle In My Throat,

You are the worst. You are stealing hours of my life. You are stealing my sleep. You are stealing my ability to speak. I have to sleep in the guest room because of you. I also have to cross my legs every blessed time I cough because I never know how violent the attack will be and I don’t want to risk tee-teeing myself (thanks, kids). You are the absolute worst. I’m ready to break up with you. We had a good run and I thought 2 weeks was long enough. And just when I thought you were gone for good, you came back. You came back with a vengeance, you little punk. You know I have a trip coming up that’s been on the books for months. So I’ve decided, you are not the boss of me. I am coming at you with everything I’ve got. I’ll see your waking up hacking in the middle of the night and I’ll raise you hot tea with lemon, melatonin, and honey. And I’ll see your raspy voice and raise you cough drops with honey and menthol. You hear that? MENTHOL! And guess what else? I went to one of those juice places today and had them make me some concoction of lemon, honey, pineapple, and cayenne pepper. I felt that sucker all the way down to my toes! I keep hearing I need to “coat my throat” and apparently the way you do that is with lemon or honey. It got me thinking…honey’s basically sugar, right? I’ve been neglecting sugar because sweet Tummy-Tum is in a fight with her but these are desperate times! Maybe I NEED the sugary sweetness to get over you, Tickle. Maybe a lemon meringue pie would do the trick? I mean, it’s lemon and apparently that’s a common denominator in all these “natural” remedies. Or maybe a lemon iced cookie. Where could I find one of those so I don’t have to make it myself? Hmmm…

Tickle, I think you might be altering my mental state. Maybe you actually ARE the boss of me. I need you to pack your bags and find a new place to live. My chest muscles literally can’t keep doing this. They are tired. I am TIRED. I need uninterrupted sleep. Let’s face it: I’m not in my twenties waking up with newborns anymore. I can’t function on a few hours of sleep. I used to think I could run the country if I could get 4 consecutive hours. Those days are gone! I need at least 6, 7 if you want dinner on the table. So I’m begging you, leave me be, wretched Tickle. You are no longer welcome here.

Sincerely,

My irritated throat

UPDATE::

Tickle actually turned out to be THE FLU! And let me tell you something, the flu is THE WORST AND IT WAS TOTALLY THE BOSS OF ME. It’s my first time to ever have it but, jeez louise, I’ll have a lot more sympathy for people who get it from now on. The muscle aches, the coughing, the chills, it’s awful. And yes, I had to miss my trip with the hubs because of that stupid virus. Luckily my mom was already here to watch the kids so she took care of them and me. Dontcha just love moms? They’re the best. Anyhoo, so far January 2017 hasn’t been my favorite. I feel like I’ve been hacking up a lung for most of it so I’ll be delighted when it’s over. Bring on February!

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What is infecting the kids in our community?

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WilCo-itis.

It’s infecting children everywhere in my community, Williamson County. It may be genetic, but it is highly contagious from kid to kid. I felt like it was my duty to inform you as I’ve seen signs of it in my own children from time to time. Here are 7 signs your child might be suffering from WilCo-itis:

  1. The idea that any “break” from school demands an amazing vacation.
  2. If you didn’t beach it at 30A, your child may not even consider it “the beach.”
  3. A little man on a horse is no longer a good enough shirt emblem. It has to be a whale or you can just forget it.
  4. Sonic happy hour? No. Frappes from Starbies.
  5. Duckface with a peace sign is the only selfie worth posting on social media.
  6. Expecting a car before their sixteenth birthday.
  7. Nike is so old school, Under Armour and Lulu are the only athletic clothes to be seen in. Even if you’re not being particularly “athletic.”

 

I know it sounds bad but don’t worry, it can be remedied. Sometimes it stays in the system for a while so it’s hard to kick, but hang in there. The treatment for this is going to be hard, parents. You will have to be vigilant. So here’s the cure:

WORK.

That’s it. Make your kids do work. Then make them use the money they WORKED TO EARN to pay for their own Starbies and whale shirts. Some other treatments are: phone deprivation, staying home during school breaks, and keeping your money in your own wallet. These are also effective.

Now, I have to warn you, the side effects of the treatment can be brutal. Here are 7 side effects that come with the cure for WilCo-itis.

  1. HEAVY eye-rolling
  2. Huffing
  3. Puffing
  4. Complaining
  5. The phrase “But ___________’s parents don’t make him/her work!”
  6. Overall tiredness
  7. Grouchiness

I know, the side effects look grim especially if you have to live with them every day. Not the kids, you. You will have to live with them every day. It will be hard but I think you can do it. YOU have the ability to raise children that aren’t entitled little jerks running around with their parents’ credit card. YOU are the parent, not the fun/entertainment director. YOUR KIDS ARE NOT THE BOSS OF YOU. You are the boss, and occasionally, you let them make choices and you don’t have to feel bad about it. Even the tweens need (GASP) guidance even though they know everything already. You are equipped to do this. You can cure your kids of this nasty disease and they will be better humans for it. Together we can beat Wilco-itis.

-Courtney

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