Tag Archives: fashion

Nashville Clothing Crisis!

People of Nashville,

I wanted to make you aware of a clothing crisis going on in our area. I wouldn’t have believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes. From what I can tell it’s affecting women ages 16-29, roughly, but who knows how fast it could spread to our children.

I saw signs of it on social media when people were posting prom pictures, but it wasn’t until recently that I saw it with my own eyes. I went with my family to the Nashville Sounds game and couldn’t stop staring. It was like I had walked into a filming of National Geographic.

So. Much. Skin.

Women were walking around with their bums hanging out of their high-waisted cut off shorts. I can only assume they were hand-me-downs from their mothers because they looked like something from the 80s. Are women here really walking around with 30+ year old tattered, holey shorts? They can’t afford new shorts that cover their WHOLE behinds? Guys, we can do better than this.

Other women were in such dire need of clothing they were wearing shirts that were obviously made for toddlers. It was appalling. Grown women so destitute they had to wear children’s clothing because they couldn’t afford a full shirt in their own size. Their concave bellies must be showing all the time because they were very, very tan although it’s not quite summer yet. They’ll probably have skin cancer from all the exposure. Can you imagine? Being forced to buy from the children’s department because it’s more affordable than adult clothing! These poor girls.

Girls were also resurrecting the infamous bodysuit. You know, basically the onesie made for an adult that was popular back in the ‘90s? Yep, that’s the one. I guess these girls were raiding their mothers’ closets and thought those would be a good throwback because who on earth would buy that tragic piece of clothing now? It’s saying to the world, “Hey World, I know you can’t see it but I have a front wedgie!” It was hard enough to snap those silly onesies when I had babies, why on earth would I want to do that to myself? And, lesbihonest, I’d have to be some sort of contortionist to make sure they were snapped correctly on myself. “Limber” has never been a word used to describe me.

Women of Nashville, I implore you to help with this clothing crisis! Do we need to hold a clothing drive for these poor young ladies? They shouldn’t have to walk the streets with their fannies exposed to the world. And we should be able to provide them with shirts that actually cover their sunken bellies! Oh sweet ladies, we need to help these young girls and get them clothes that cover the necessary body parts. Maybe we could have a sponsorship program like they did with the millennials (see the promo video here). Hmmmm, it’s a thought. If you have any ideas on how to solve this clothing crisis, please email me. Together we can end high waisted shorts and body suits.

-Courtney

*If the sarcasm was lost on you in this post, my apologies, let me be direct: Girls, put some clothes on.

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Are you an early person or a late person?

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Anyone else ever feel either too late or too early to fall? I feel like this tree—awkwardly moving into fall. I’m either like the yellow leaves that are fully committed to the weather change, or I’m the green leaves—hanging on to every last bit of summer.

I wouldn’t consider myself a chronically late person, but when it comes to the season of fall, I’m usually late to the party. It never fails that when I show up to an event in late September, my footwear is always lacking. I’m that girl in flip-flops when all the other girls are in knee high boots. (And we all know how I feel about tall boots. #struggle) I’m bee-bopping into my kids’ open house at school in a sleeveless top and sandals and the other moms are in cardigans and skinny jeans. Ugh. My summer wardrobe has overstayed its welcome yet again. (And I use the term “wardrobe” VERY loosely. Can we even consider shorts, V-necks, and flip-flops a wardrobe when it’s rotated in with workout clothes?) Then I get embarrassed that my feet are showing when, clearly, it’s time to cover them up. I’ve somehow missed the memo that there’s an expiration date on shorts and I continue wearing them. It’s all very shameful. Or there’s the alternative…

…where I barge into fall a bit too early. I come in HOT, figuratively and literally. I’m the girl in cords, booties, and a cardi when everyone else is donning tousled hair and maxi dresses. In these situations, I’ve typically overestimated the cool weather and imagined that 87 degrees “feels like fall.” I’m sweating in all my crevices and praying that the moisture doesn’t make it all the way through to my cardigan pits. Guys, I’m a sweater. Like I can’t even hide it when I’m the least bit hot. The sweat-stache forms above my upper lip almost immediately and it’s the point of no return. Then, I spend most of my time trying to daintily wipe the sweat off and discreetly smear it on my pants that are no doubt sticking to my legs. All the while looking around to make sure no one is paying attention. I am usually rationing my fluid intake because the idea of trying to peel my skinny jeans off of my damp legs to pee is enough to make me want leave an event altogether. (If you’ve never encountered this problem, either the heat doesn’t activate your sweat glands or your jeans aren’t tight enough. I’m jealous of you either way.) For the women who feel me on this, you know it’s going to be about a 15-minute trip to the bathroom to get it done. It’s right up there with taking off a wet one-piece bathing suit and putting it back on. The trick is to make yourself look like you did before you even went into the bathroom. This is basically impossible because your jeans are now sticking in places they weren’t before, or you can’t get the crotch of your pants back up to your actual crotch. It’s times like these that I miss the ‘90s. Everything was baggy in the ‘90s. In pleated jeans, no one even knew you had a crotch because they were so distracted by the pleats. Ah, the simpler times.

Since I live in Tennessee, fall can be a bit elusive. One week it’s 90 degrees, the next it’s 72. But just when you think you’re good to rid yourself of shorts until next year, the temperature goes back up to 89. I’ve decided Tennessee weather has bipolar disorder. So until Tennessee commits to fall, I refuse to put the flip-flops in the back of the closet. People will just have to deal with my legs and feet as they get paler and paler into October. I’ll trade my sweat-stache for white feet any day.

-Courtney

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The fashion trend I just don’t get

I promise I haven’t forgotten that I haven’t told you my big news. It is killing me that I can’t tell you about it until all the kinks have been worked out. I’m waiting on the edge of my seat to get the green light! I’ve already constructed the email and it’s just waiting in my word docs to be sent out, like a sad puppy waiting to be adopted. So I pinky promise, when I hear the word “GO” I will be on it sending out the announcement I’ve been so excited to share! And if you still are not on my email list, SIGN UP NOW!!!! (Hint: if you sign up today you might just get a little sneak peek into my surprise;) ) Here’s the linky loo to make it easy: http://bit.ly/CourtneysEmailList

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Moving on…

Can we talk about the bralette? Is that how it’s even spelled? I was at a concert last weekend and every girl between the ages of 16-22 had one on. If you aren’t familiar with this article of clothing, let me break it down for you. It’s like a very lacy bra with a halter lace strap and it has lace that comes down around the torso. Basically lingerie. Except that instead of covering it up, they are showcasing it. Perhaps I don’t understand this because I can’t imagine wanting to draw attention to my back gills. Perhaps.

Is this the new socially acceptable way to show your bra without being trampy? I don’t get it. Is it supposed to be like a camisole? Is it just a bra? Is it so girls don’t feel as skanky wearing a backless shirt? I just, sigh. I guess I’m getting too old to understand fashion. From tall, athletic socks with Sperrys for boys to high-waisted short shorts for girls, I feel very out of the loop. Rather, I’m not out of the loop as in I don’t know about these fashion trends, I just don’t understand them. Probably like my parents didn’t understand why I wanted to tight roll my jeans. Although I KNEW pleated acid wash jeans would look amazing with a tight roll at the bottom with my brown moccasins, my mom I’m sure just…sighed. So that’s where I’m at with the bralettes.

I’m sighing.

To me, they look skanky when you can see them in a backless shirt. There I said it. You may disagree and that’s fine. To me, it looks like one more way girls are sexualizing themselves for boys. Teenage boys do not need more help thinking about sex. From what I understand, it’s pretty much at the forefront of their brains at all times. So I know some girls are clueless and just think, “I would look so cute in that lacy bra/shirt, I might as well get a backless shirt to show it off.” Bless. It’s sweet that their innocence is still intact. A lesson to you young ladies: Don’t give away all your goodies for free. Wanna know what people do with free stuff? They play with it for a little while then throw it in the trash. Let’s be better than that, ladies. Be more than eye candy. Know your worth. Value the body God gave you.

(Mic drop)

I’m out.

 

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Remembering the BCS…

Since Labor Day is the kickoff for fall fashion, I thought I’d bring back an oldie but goody post from last fall. Nashville is currently 90+ degrees so it’s a bit premature to break out the cardigans and boots but a girl can dream. Here’s an updated BCS post..

These boots, guys, are my jam. I don’t own them because the budget won’t allow it, but let me tell you what they represent.shopping

Hope.

These boots and all booties, for that matter, are a beacon of hope to women like me. What kind of woman is that, you ask?

The woman that lives with Big Calf Syndrome. Trust me, it’s a thing. I’m sure there’s something about it on the internets.

Being a woman with BCS is usually not that big of a deal. I go through spring and summer and don’t even give it a thought, because let’s be honest, spring/summer I have bigger fish to fry, like being in a bathing suit. Gag. Just thinking about it makes me feel like I need to do a crunchie. I digress.

BCS doesn’t really start affecting me until September. I’ll be walking around minding my own business and BAM! Tall boots in the store window. It’s the glaring reminder that tall boots were made for the skinny-calfed people of the world. And all the skinny-calfed people reading this don’t even know what I’m talking about. Until you’ve had your ginormous calves muffin-top over the top of tall boots, you won’t understand the pain. Bet you didn’t know muffin-topping could happen somewhere besides your waistline. The struggle is real, friends. It’s mental and physical. The mental struggle occurs when you realize you’ve never actually considered the enormity of your calves until you are painstakingly shoving them into the tight leather. It’s also a physical pain, what with the seam of the boot boring rope marks into your skin. And let’s not forget while you are willing your leg into this devil boot, you have surely broken a sweat. Do you know what happens when you sweat? Your skin seems to expand. I know this from experience and I’m a nurse so you should pretty much believe everything I say (just kidding about that last part but for some reason, if I say I’m a nurse people automatically think I know the answer to every health-related question. #mythbuster).

So here’s a little math equation for you:

Sweaty big calf > nonsweaty big calf

Skinny-calfed girls are glazed over reading this right now. It’s like they’re trying to make sense of Japanese or hieroglyphics. Bless.

So imagine my excitement when I see that booties are all the rage! I bought my first pair last fall not knowing, or caring, if they were fashionable. I just wanted to wear something besides ballet flats with my jeans. Big calf girls of the world, REJOICE! We don’t have to trudge through winter in flats with no socks! We might not get toe-sicles this year! Shoe designers have finally heard our cry! Our calves can breath easy for they will not have to be confined to too-tight leather. They can be free to be who God made them to be. Big and proud. So this day I am thankful to the booty…the shoe kind, obviously.

P.S. I would love to know how many dudes clicked on this blog thinking it was about college football. Hehe. Don’t you feel more educated now that you’ve read about Big Calf Syndrome? I bet you didn’t even know it was a thing. You’re welcome.

P.S.S. I know, I know…the BCS for football isn’t a thing anymore. My husband gave me a lesson on the other BCS before I posted this.

So, tell me, what’s your favorite shoe for the fall/winter?

-Courtney

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