People of Nashville,
I wanted to make you aware of a clothing crisis going on in our area. I wouldn’t have believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes. From what I can tell it’s affecting women ages 16-29, roughly, but who knows how fast it could spread to our children.
I saw signs of it on social media when people were posting prom pictures, but it wasn’t until recently that I saw it with my own eyes. I went with my family to the Nashville Sounds game and couldn’t stop staring. It was like I had walked into a filming of National Geographic.
So. Much. Skin.
Women were walking around with their bums hanging out of their high-waisted cut off shorts. I can only assume they were hand-me-downs from their mothers because they looked like something from the 80s. Are women here really walking around with 30+ year old tattered, holey shorts? They can’t afford new shorts that cover their WHOLE behinds? Guys, we can do better than this.
Other women were in such dire need of clothing they were wearing shirts that were obviously made for toddlers. It was appalling. Grown women so destitute they had to wear children’s clothing because they couldn’t afford a full shirt in their own size. Their concave bellies must be showing all the time because they were very, very tan although it’s not quite summer yet. They’ll probably have skin cancer from all the exposure. Can you imagine? Being forced to buy from the children’s department because it’s more affordable than adult clothing! These poor girls.
Girls were also resurrecting the infamous bodysuit. You know, basically the onesie made for an adult that was popular back in the ‘90s? Yep, that’s the one. I guess these girls were raiding their mothers’ closets and thought those would be a good throwback because who on earth would buy that tragic piece of clothing now? It’s saying to the world, “Hey World, I know you can’t see it but I have a front wedgie!” It was hard enough to snap those silly onesies when I had babies, why on earth would I want to do that to myself? And, lesbihonest, I’d have to be some sort of contortionist to make sure they were snapped correctly on myself. “Limber” has never been a word used to describe me.
Women of Nashville, I implore you to help with this clothing crisis! Do we need to hold a clothing drive for these poor young ladies? They shouldn’t have to walk the streets with their fannies exposed to the world. And we should be able to provide them with shirts that actually cover their sunken bellies! Oh sweet ladies, we need to help these young girls and get them clothes that cover the necessary body parts. Maybe we could have a sponsorship program like they did with the millennials (see the promo video here). Hmmmm, it’s a thought. If you have any ideas on how to solve this clothing crisis, please email me. Together we can end high waisted shorts and body suits.
*If the sarcasm was lost on you in this post, my apologies, let me be direct: Girls, put some clothes on.