I love it but my mind wanders.
Please tell me you know what I’m talking about?
Hear me on this, I LOVE worship songs. I love the build up to the chorus, I love the feeling I get when my mind, heart, and spirit connect with the words. It’s an awe-filled experience. But here’s the deal: After singing the same words 9 times over, I start disconnecting with the song and my mind begins to dart off. I’m still committed to singing but my brain is thinking about what I need to get at the grocery store, did I remember to start the washer, will I have time to take a nap when I get home, I’ve got to finish filling out school registration forms, etc.
If I can catch myself doing this, I immediately feel guilty and remorseful and try to concentrate on the words of the song. Then by the 12th chorus, I’m looking around at other people making mental notes of how they’re worshipping, what they’re wearing, and a myriad of other thoughts. I begin studying people’s worship stance. Do they sway? Do they raise their hands? Are their eyes closed? All indicative of a super spiritual experience obviously because one would NEVER close her eyes, sway, and sing worship songs while going over her to-do list.
Except that I do.
Wanna know my favorite worship music? Old hymns put to hipper music. I grew up in the Baptist church where hymns were sung every Sunday with a full orchestra. Back then I didn’t appreciate all 137 stanzas of Just As I Am or all the seeming monotony of I Surrender All. (Side note:: Did anyone else’s church only sing certain stanzas? I loved when the music minister would announce that we would be singing stanzas 1, 2, and 4. Does he make these decisions? What makes him pick those specific stanzas? Are some stanzas more spiritual than others? So many questions…I digress.) As an adult, though, I can see so much value in these beautiful hymns. When my church arranges an old hymn to updated music, I tend to marvel over the depths of these songs. There are many stanzas but the power in the words is evident. I think it’s because I have to focus on the words more because there are so many of them. I’m not hating on worship music of today but let’s be real, if I can learn the song in 90 seconds, I will be mentally checked out in approximately 5 minutes. The words I’m singing will be just that, words. I won’t be connecting the song if I’m saying the same 4 lines repeatedly for 10 minutes in a room full of people.
Maybe that makes me spiritually ADD.
Maybe that means I need to work on my relationship with God.
Or maybe that just tells me corporate worship is not where I connect with God.
To be honest, I find that my most authentic worship happens when I’m alone. When I’m alone, I don’t think about what’s going on around me. I can listen to a worship song and it will be over in 3 minutes and 49 seconds, then I can pick another worship song that says different words about the God I love. Some of you reading this may have no idea what this blog post even means. You love singing the same worship song for many minutes in a row because it makes you feel closer to God. I’m so glad for you. For those of you that might be like me, don’t feel bad that we’re ADD worshippers. Maybe we just need more different words to connect. And that’s the beauty of God’s family…He takes all kinds of kinds.
Anybody with me?